Feeling Bloggish

Apparently my life seems to be falling into a new place, a bit scary, but new. An unknown world I have never seen.  For the first time EVER in my life, the feeling of having control has happened.  I’m not scared of myself right now (if that makes sense) and I’m not scared to accept a certain way I feel.  My “over-thinking” has kicked my ass this month and caused a controlled whirlwind of emotions.  Today is a little more emotional than usual, but I know it’s because I analyzed too much last night about my own life and I worry about all the ones I love and how I’m impacting their lives. I pick and pick at the decisions I make on a daily basis.  Except now, I think about long term and that is the part that scares me. The oxygen to my life is Camryn and without her, I would not breathe.  She is 6 and trying to understand her life and why things function in her world different than some kids.  It is hard to answer her questions when I don’t have answers.  My hope for her is that she feels loved at all moments of her day and that the ones around her feel the need to protect her and know her and love her.  EVERYTHING matters right now during this transition into our new world, EVERYTHING.  I know I’m in control and have the option to make whatever choices I want to make, so for today, I choose to be tough, strong, and unwilling to budge when feelings of unhappiness start to surface.  Tomorrow is a new day, but decisions I make today, CAN affect tomorrow and the people I love.  Long term goals are most important to me because those are the goals that ultimately create Camryn’s world and that is why right now everything matters.

"My oxygen"

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One thought on “Feeling Bloggish

  1. Rhonda says:

    I love you so much! I so so enjoyed making cake balls with my cee zee reez zee! She will be the next executive chef!!!

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