Regulating

You know when your world just feels “weird”?? That is where I’m sitting at the moment.  I seem to have this way of getting nice and cozy in a routine, then blowing it up like Pearl Harbor.  As Camryn and I were checking out of an extended stay hotel this morning, I was thinking to myself…This SUCKS a fat one!  My poor child thinks she has the world by the horns and I feel like I’m being stabbed in the ass by 3.  I’ve put a HUGE deposit down on a nice apartment, but won’t be moving until March, so thankfully my parents are going to let us come shack up in their living room for a few weeks.  I miss my home, I miss snuggling, I miss cooking dinner, I miss so many things (except my ex, spitting in my face would have been easier than putting me through his emotional roller coaster ride) Ok, getting back on track…SO, if I had to say I’m scared out of my mind, this would be 100% true! I’m afraid to let anyone love me, I’m afraid I am making horrible mistakes as a mom. If there was an instruction booklet on how to be a single mom, I would pay a million dollars to purchase that shit.  When I read other mommy blogs, I’m realizing I’m not as crazy as I think I am, or maybe I am, but just not the only one out there that is as crazy as me. If you have ever been through a break up of a long relationship (if you call it that) then you understand life can get “weird” and when you actually have someone in your life that peaks your interest you find yourself fucking it up because you have no clue how to act because you are used to the same ol’ shit that no longer exists anymore.  Then , there is trying to be a good mom on top of everything and working out all my issues when most people have a soulmate, husband, or on-call best friend who is just there when you need them.  My world is spinning and I know I think way too much into everything, but it’s hard for me to sit back and just let the world pass me by when I did that for so long.  I’m scared, but in stead of crawling into my dark place I like to go, I’m just going to stand here and hope things change…for the better!

Stay tuned….

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