You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

I’m a Taurus.   Stubborn, impatient, and loving.  I was born into this world thinking you could trust people and that bad things just didn’t come near you if you didn’t want them too.  My reality check happened the day I had to leave an emotional, physical, and mentally abusive relationship to keep a little girl from growing up in a family where only bad things happened.  That little girl is Camryn.  She has no idea what I have saved her from, nor do I really know what I’ve saved both of us from.  What I do know, is that I have protected her from seeing her dad the way I know her dad.  But, you can only hide the bad for so long.  He showed his true colors and it is very clear how selfish his world really is. Now I’m having to explain to an innocent 6 year old that I will never leave her or deny her coming home when she wants too.  She listened to her dad make it very clear he didn’t want to be around her anymore because “something else” came up.  This “something else” has a name and happens to be a girl. Weird.  Some people might think I’m jealous or crazy, but I am crazy when it comes to hurting Camryn’s feelings over something so selfish. I’m tired of the inconsistency, the bitterness, the laziness that he brings into our world for the short time he is around.  I’m tired of the fighting and all I can do is put it into the hands of higher authority.  There will come a day when Camryn knows I have worked so hard to provide a fair life for her. As I battle depression and confusion, I have to keep in mind that even small children have feelings too.  The look on her face when her dad dropped her off was a look of relief, but sadness.  He will never understand what he has done.  I left him the time he hit me in front of her at 10 months old and now I’m washing my hands of him.  No man should ever deserve to have their child if they can’t show respect. I have the bigger horns in this battle and I will stand proud of what I believe and I will do my best to make sure I never give up. Camryn only has me and if I’m not fighting for her, who will? It’s called genuine love. I possess it and others should. Such a sad and confusing world we live in these days.

 

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