Car Chat

Every morning, Camryn and I are usually rushing out the door, I’m sweating, hands full and aggravated because she moves like a turtle and my biggest fear is her having to be the “tardy” kid when we live, literally, down the street from the school.  I will admit, some days are my fault because I’m usually trying to pick out which black shirt I’m going to wear that day, putting half of my make-up on because the older I get, the more I need make-up, and trying to do something with my hair to at least look like I didn’t just roll out of bed.  We get in the car and the stories begin (we are in the car for about 7 minutes every morning):

Camryn: “Mom, I know how vibrations work”

Me: “Really, how is that?”

Camryn: “Well, see, when a truck hits something, it makes the truck vibrate”

Me: “Or when you hear music in the car, if it’s loud enough, it makes the car vibrate because it’s sound”

Camryn: “YES! Like in my dad’s truck”

Me: “Probably”

Camryn: “Mom, I just saw a boy that goes to my school go in the store by himself, he is too little to do that”

Me: “Maybe it wasn’t a boy from your school, maybe just a small man”

Camryn: “Yeah, your probably right”

Camryn: “Mom, some girl in my class, um, she told me I was ugly”

Me: “Just ignore her, Camryn, you know you aren’t ugly”

Pulling into school to let her out…

Me: “Have a good day, I love you”

Camryn: “I know mom, love you too”

Me: “Pull your pants up”

Camryn: “I know MOM”

Me:  ::SIGH::

Then all I can think about is making it to QT to get coffee. My mind starts spinning…. I wonder if I’ve forgotten to client ready a resume, I wonder if my boss is in a good mood. Wonder if Justin has thought about me this morning? Could it be possible that he really does miss me and is wondering the same things I wonder “Could it ever work?”…Then I get pissed off because I start replaying the things he has said and how he won’t just admit he cares or tell his family that I’m not the person they have created in their heads, then I realize…Why am I even thinking about this?? So, I turn the radio up and hope for an old school 90’s jam.  It’s around 7:50am at this point and I wonder if my mind is going to stop at some point during the day. I hit my checkpoint for “mascara” so I start digging in my gigantic purse. Then I think “man, wish I could go shopping, I would love to change purses to coordinate with new outfits” “crap, I think the electricity bill is due soon, how am I going to pay that when daycare is due too” “I wonder if anyone else in my office is late paying their bills?” “Do they ask family to borrow money?”. The panic starts “wonder if I will get child support” “maybe I can push the bills until next payday because the account is negative and this check is going to be halfway gone” “probably going to need groceries, SHIT, the milk is bad” at this point I call a co-worker, just to try and forget that I can’t control any of this at that very moment while driving to work.  When I finally arrive at work around 9:00am, my ass is sore, my energy level has dropped from recovering from my panic attack in the car, I slap on a smile and walk through the door to sit at my desk and wonder “How is this day going to end?”.

Now, all I want to do is go pick up Camryn and chit chat with her because that seems to be the only time I’m not analyzing life….



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